


hanahaki disease

by luvbug62900



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, First Love, Hanahaki Disease, Loosely based on a true story, this story is only going to hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 12:15:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14873573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvbug62900/pseuds/luvbug62900





	hanahaki disease

Lost in my own world, I absentmindedly smile at my small group of friends while shuffling through the musty, crowded hallway on autopilot. Darilynn turns to ask me a question, and before I can answer, I hear someone shout a beautiful name. My stomach turns. I make a beeline for the restroom, telling my friends not to wait up for me. With concerned faces, they give me comforting words as they continue down the hall. I barely hear them as I quickly swing the door to the restroom open. Thankfully, nobody else is here to witness my frantic behavior. Rushing to the largest stall and locking myself in, I throw myself over the toilet just in time to cough up white roses for the fifth time this week. The water is stained a light pink color this time, as thorns from the beautiful flowers rip my throat. Wiping the tears I didn’t realize I was shedding, I shakily exit the stall and make my way to my third period class.  
“Dammit” I curse, as I just barely miss the late bell. I’m close enough to see the teacher’s sadistic smile.  
“Ahh, this is the third time you’ve been tardy to my class. That’s detention for you, Marie. See me after class for your make-up work. Toodles” he says before slamming the door in my face. With an exasperated sigh, I make a detour to the detention room. If the universe didn’t hate me, I wouldn’t be affected by the simple mention of a name. But of course, I couldn’t hope to be that lucky.  
~~  
During the last four years, this shabby school has become like a second home to me. Although, it didn’t always feel this way. Being a naturally reserved person, it was difficult for me to make real connections with people at a school with such a large population. To make matters worse, very few of my friends from primary school winded up here, and those that did quickly forgot me in lieu of friends that better fit their needs for socialization, ones that sought after a typical high school experience. It felt like nobody would care if I just fell out of existence. Eventually, I found my passions and got the courage to join some small clubs, which allowed me to easily pursue a role of leadership if I so desired (which, I didn’t).  
Being elected the historian of the anime and gamer’s club, and an avid member of the photography club, my geekish hobbies didn’t really allow for meeting others outside of my normal comfort zone. Until one day, you quite literally stumbled into my life. I remember this day perfectly. I was giving my review of Noragami for the AVGC on the first day of the club’s relocation, in Ms. Powers’ room when you walked in, clearly looking confused. I pause and turn to look at who had everyone’s attention. It took everything in me not to drool at the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen. With your tall stature, rounded face, invitingly plump lips, and a low maintenance style that left you looking like a model without even trying, I immediately felt drawn to you.  
“Is this not the drama department?” you asked, scanning the room for props or costumes, I assume.  
“No, sorry. This is the anime and gamers club” Ms Powers explained apologetically.  
“Oh.. okay” You furrowed your brows a little, which I thought was the cutest thing. Suddenly, it occurred to me to help steer you in the right direction. Plus, I needed an excuse to get a better look at you.  
“Um, I can help you find what you’re looking for” I offer in a timid voice. “Can someone take over and play the first episode for me?” I ask with my head down, making a point to quickly walk to the door before I changed my mind. I really had no idea why I offered myself up, being one of the shyest members of the AVGC. Among a hodgepodge of social outcasts, this was saying a lot. “Follow me” I say as I walk over the threshold, barely above a whisper. Luckily you heard me, and we began to walk side by side in silence. I debated whether or not I should strike up conversation with you for what felt like hours before you put me out of my misery.  
“So, what’s your name?” you ask politely. God, your velvety baritone voice sounded even better up close.  
“Marie” I said, hoping you didn’t catch how breathy I sounded in that moment.  
“Marie. That’s a pretty name.” you turned to look towards me, with a bright smile on your face. I offered a small smile in return. Oh, how I wanted to tell you that it sounded ten times better rolling off your tongue. Before I could even think of doing something so embarrassing, we arrived at the door to the drama room. “We’re here!” I say, cursing myself for sounding so excited. I’d hoped you wouldn’t take it the wrong way but as I came to learn, you lost no opportunity to tease me. You brought your hand up to clutch your pearls, acting offended.  
“Well don’t sound so excited to get rid of me!” you exclaimed. And like BooBoo the fool, I took the bait.  
“Oh my God, no I didn’t mean to make it sound like that!! I just-“  
“Relax, babygirl, I’m just messing with you. Thanks for bringing me here” you winked. If I could blush, I definitely would have. Had it been anyone else, I probably would have scoffed at the use of a pet name. But the way you said it so effortlessly had me flustered.  
“Mhmm” I mutter, wanting to rejoin my club members as quickly as possible to get a handle on my embarrassment. You flashed me that dazzling smile again, making my heart skip a beat. I tried but failed to refrain from watching your luscious lips form what came out of your mouth next.  
“See you around, Marie. And you didn’t ask, but my name is Loren” you said, before leaving me in the hallway alone.  
And from that moment on, I knew I was whipped for you.  
~~  
You kept well on your promise about seeing me around. After that incident we kept running into each other everywhere. At the library, lunchroom, even at photo club, where I discovered your knack for taking beautiful pictures. I guess that hobby suits someone who looks like they came straight out of New York Fashion Week after rolling out of bed. During that time we got to know each other and you quickly became the closest friend I had, which was a strange feeling for such an antisocial being like myself. You really forced me out of my shell without me even realizing it, until I no longer felt like the awkward girl that met you that fateful day. I’d never thought of myself as a flirty person, but this constant push-and pull banter we kept up around each other made it so easy to fall into playful dialogue. As time went on, it got increasingly harder to ignore my romantic feelings for you, especially having never felt this way before. I don’t know if you noticed or not, but I was a nervous wreck anytime you brought up the concept of dates or relationships, and became insanely jealous at your mention of other girls because of my own insecurity. Then one day, you invited me out to the park. This wasn’t unusual, as we often hung out on weekends and afterschool if we weren’t swamped with schoolwork and club activities. What was surprising though, is when I trudged to our usual spot, you had laid out a tattered baby blue blanket, and had my favorite snacks arranged around a simple vase housing white roses. Holding the blanket down were candles in each corner, with you patting on the ground next to you for me to sit.  
“Loren, what is all this?” I ask, confused. “I thought we were supposed to be studying for the calc exam” I emphasized by tapping on the textbook I brought along.  
“That was a little lie to get you here. I figured you wouldn’t mind a little surprise. I guess I shouldn’t have gone this far though?”you asked, and for the first time you showed me an emotion I never thought I would see: embarrassment. Instantly, I relaxed and walked around to plop down beside you. Wanting to lighten the mood, I quickly expressed my gratitude.  
“Well thank you. This is very sweet.” I say, turning to give you a genuine smile. My heart quickens when I notice your gaze traveling from my eyes to my lips. My smile falters slightly as I give you a questioning look.  
“Have I ever told you how beautiful you look?” you said, while licking those plump lips of yours.  
“N-no” I stutter. My breath catches in my throat.  
“Mmm. Well I can show you better than I can tell you” you said, lightly grabbing my chin and closing the gap between our lips. It feels even better than all the times I shamefully dreamed of this very moment, although it was probably hella awkward. Even if it was, you surprisingly didn’t take the opportunity to tease me this time. We pull apart and gaze into each others’ eyes, mine filled with unanswered questions while yours were filled with a hesitancy I hadn’t seen before. You grew increasingly nervous at my lack of a response.  
“I’m so sorry Marie, I didn’t mean to do that. It just kind of happened and you’re probably angry with me and I-“ I silenced you with another kiss, this one filled with the emotions I’d be supressing since the day I’d met you. You licked my lips, earnest for entry, which i happily obliged. Our tongues explored one another’s mouths while soft sighs and light caresses contributed to the heated atmosphere. I’m first to pull away, a string of saliva still connecting our lips.  
“Don’t be sorry, Loren. I really enjoyed it, both times” I smile and shyly look down. You took my hands in yours and our eyes met again.  
“I think you know what I’m about to ask at this point” you laugh with slightly reddened cheeks. I decided to take this opportunity to tease you for once.  
“Hmmm, I believe I do”, I smirk. “What if I say no?” I inquire, internally giggling at the way your smile falls almost imperceptibly.  
“Well, then I’ll just pack all of this up and we can go home. I’ll have all your favorite snacks to myself” you say with a small laugh.  
“Yeah, sure. And what if I say yes?”  
“You’ll make me the happiest guy in America!” I laugh at this and scooch forward to rap my arms around your neck while you hold my waist. I give you a peck on the cheek and murmur a yes into your collarbone, knowing that once I pulled back I would see the happiest grin on your face. I was not disappointed. Filled with a newfound sense of happiness, we munched on the food you brought and talked well into the night.

~~  
The three months following this incident I was the happiest I have ever been. Everything and nothing was the same. We still hung out all the time, still teased each other, still acted the same way before we started dating. But now the time we spent together also included lost of kissing, cuddling, and shameless ogling. The atmosphere often seemed to be filled with unspoken words and a tingly sensation whenever we fell into a comfortable silence. I slowly became more and more enamored with you, although the L-word was never spoken aloud by either of us. I figured you were just as scared as I was to take that next step in our relationship. That is, until the day I caught you practically dry-fucking the class slut in our spot in the park. I often visited the place alone on Fridays after school to escape from the daily grind, as it was a nice secluded area known to few people. As I got closer to the spot, I heard two people gasping for air and moaning, with occasional “I love yous” thrown in. I would know that deliciously deep voice from anywhere. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I shakily reach into my back pocket and pull out my phone, opening the camera app and snapping a pic when I was sure neither of you would see me. I then ran back to my car and quickly sent you a text saying don’t ever fucking talk to me again with the picture attached, deleting your number immediately afterwards. With how much I was crying I’m surprised I didn’t get into a wreck on the way home. Luckily, neither of my parents were home, so I made my way to my room and shut myself in. I crawled into bed fully clothed and cried myself to sleep.  
The next morning I woke up to 30 text messages and 7 missed calls, all from you. Not bothering to sift through the bullshit you sent me, I deleted everything and shut off my phone. All I was capable of doing for the next 3 days was crying, listening to sad songs, sleeping, and repeating. I’d never experienced hurt like this before, and I was slowly breaking down. I knew that I loved you back when you’d asked me to date you, and I beat myself up for never having the courage to put it into words.  
The following week I made sure to avoid the routes we used to take to get to class together, and filled in my friends on the news of our breakup. While they all offered their sympathy and attempted to cheer me up, none of them had ever been in love before, so my predicament was a foreign concept to them. They did, for a short time try to set me up with other guys- and even girls- in the first month after our breakup. They were nice enough but I never felt a spark with anybody like I did that first day you interrupted my Noragami review. To make matters worse, every time I did see you, you were doting over the girl I caught you with. I’d never seen two people so oblivious to the world around them, and I figured that’s what real love looked like. The first time I caught you two kissing at school, I felt something in my throat. I coughed, and a single white petal escaped my lips. Horrified, I crushed it up and discreetly let it flutter to the ground. As time went on, my mental state got progressively worse. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get you out of my head. Unfortunately I was hearing your name more and more often, as teachers and students constantly mentioned how great of an actor you were, and how some of the most prestigious performing art universities around the country were scouting you for your outstanding performances, and it literally made me sick. Each time you were mentioned, I felt that familiar ticklish feeling that forced me to cough. A petal turned into petals, petals turned into a rose, and a rose turned into roses, each coughing fit hurting more than the last time. Nobody commented on my frequent trips to restroom, nobody was there to witness the daily bouquets I was coughing up over the toilet bowl. And I am determined to keep it that way.

~~  
My body has been getting weaker and weaker and people are starting to be concerned for my health. They think I have an eating disorder or something but of course, I refuse to seek help. If anyone knew how pathetic I am for loving someone who hurt me so badly after all this time, they would never look at me the same. I’ve shut myself in my room, only leaving for food and water when nobody was looking. Today I feel particularly weak. I drag myself to the toilet for the 3rd time this morning, my thoughts of you consuming me and causing me to expel rose after rose, sharp thorns adding to the burning ache in my throat. It’s so hard to breathe, and it feels like a whole ugly garden is crushing my lungs. I don’t even have the energy to move from the toilet bowl, and tears fall freely from my bloodshot eyes. I knew I should have gotten treatment from the first time I coughed up that white petal, but my stubbornness and social anxiety stopped me from getting the help I needed. At this point, I know if I don’t get the surgery I’ll surely die from this disease, even though the thought of living without remembering my love for you seems a worse fate than death. I’m holding my stomach and dry heaving, nothing coming out this time as I sob while thinking about you. Why did the universe have to be so cruel? What did I do to deserve this? My breaths are getting more shallow, and it hurts so bad. I decide to leave the flowers as evidence and crawl to open the bathroom door, and force myself to stand up and stumble my way to my parents’ room. I decide I don’t want to die without putting up a fight. It takes most of my strength to lift my hand high enough to knock on the door. A few moments later mother swings open the door, her sleepy face contorting into a worried expression upon seeing how horrid I must look standing outside her bedroom at 4 in the morning.  
“Bathroom”. I weakly point in the direction I just came from, knowing the answer she seeks is awaiting her in the toilet bowl. I move out of the door frame so she can see for herself, and hear her call out to me in a panic. I’m unable to respond as all the strength has left my body and I sink to my knees as another coughing fit hits me. It seems the coughing will never stop this time as I cover myself and the floor in blood and flowers. The worst pain I’ve ever felt overtakes my chest, and I’m unable to breathe as I feel thorny stems caught in my throat.  
“Marie!” mother runs to me, rubbing my back with a shaky hand. I lay on the floor, the edges of my vision becoming blurry. I suddenly feel cold, and it becomes increasingly difficult to keep my eyes open. I turn to my mother who’s lips are moving probably pleading for me to be okay, but all I hear is silence. With a sudden sense of urgency I turn my head in her direction with teary eyes and whisper “I’m sorry mama” before giving into the temptation to close my eyes.  
The last thing I remember seeing is your beautiful face in my mind before everything fades into nothingness.


End file.
